Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy." The nurse says, "He's happy now, ... but just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Subject: FW: Takes Balls to be a good Wrestler > > > > > > Wrestling with a twist: > > > > A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the > > Olympic > > gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came > > to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this > > Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. > > Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're > > finished!" The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement. > > As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other > > several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged > > forward grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel > > hold. > > > > A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer > > buried his > > face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't even watch the > > ending. > > > > Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the > > trainer > > raised his eye Just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. > > > > The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American > > collapsed on > > top of him, making the pin and winning the match. > > > > The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler > > alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever > > done it before!" > > > > The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me > > in > > that hold but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of > > balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last > > ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as > > hard as I could." > > > > "So." the trainer exclaimed, "that finished him off, did it?" > > > > No, but you'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own > > balls!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Something to make you smile! When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day ... 3 0,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." ~~~~~~~~~~~ A hug is a great gift . one size fits all, it can be given for any occasion, and it's easy to exchange ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws.." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "
I am a Father" A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. T he man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way." The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Mom and Dad A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing? The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up again." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Marriage Seminar > > While attending a marriage seminar on communication, > Tom and his wife Linda listened to the instructor declare: > "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things > that are important to each other." > > > He addressed the men: > "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?" > > > Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, > "Pillsbury, All-Purpose, isn't it?" > > > The rest of the story is not pleasant. > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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