(1)
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An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list questions, ending with "How much is 2 + 2?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four". The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four". The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
(2)
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quiet surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations." St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer."
(3,4,5,6,7)
Question: Do you know how to save five drowning lawyers? Answer: No. Reply: Good! Why don't snakes bite attorneys? Professional courtesy. How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? His lips begin to move. How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? With the coyote, you usually see skid marks. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford?
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